Vanity Fair Ambassador Pillows

Every year, Tiffany was shocked to see that her birthday was still not listed as a national holiday...

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

Love linked

If you want to see love be love.

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

"Wow, your mane looks fantastic! New conditioner?"

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

Insecurities of the Bald Eagle.

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

"How are the new lips feeling babe?"

"I'm OK. But I think the dog wants to go out."

'You're on Deck! Wilson! Hurry up with that pedicure!'

'I can't see anything through these ridiculous tiny slits, I'll take them.'

TV-Mirror.

"Look at me, everyone! I'm amazing!"

'If you ain't broke, I'll fix it.'

'I turn the other cheek more now that Botox has made it wrinkle-free.'

'Get the 'extra hold' bear spray. I want to look good when we come out of hibernation.'

'Believe me, sweetie, if I thought the 'Wrinkle Out' setting on the clothes dryer would work...'

'I like to stay fit. Or at least wear a lot of lycra.'

Rabbit has cosmetically enhanced teeth: 'I always said that when I could afford to I'd get them fixed.'

"Maybe some of us don't want to give ourselves a round of applause for agreeing to restore the delicate balance of our ecosystem."

'Having limited funds, Irwin goes with the less expensive chest hair transplant.'

'My doctor told me these new Botox injections could be harmful.'

'It's the least I can do. I don't have enough money to get cloned.'

"Last week we simultaneously deleted our Tinder profiles. So we're practically engaged now."

'What would you say about me having my spots enlarged?'

'Ben believes looking suave is the most important part of fly fishing.'

The Paper Silhouette Editor

Eventually, a point is reached where even the best cosmetic surgery begins to look more like taxidermy gone horribly wrong.

"Supersize me."

"She's had so much work done that she's starting to look like her mother."

Hot chilli...

'Perfect.'

It was an expensive treatment, but it feels so good to be barnacle-free...