Vanity Advocate Gifts

'Here I am...just back from the beauty parlor...'

"I'm not into health foods. I need all the preservatives I can get."

Narcissus said his biggest regret is missing out on the selfie era!

Welcome to Umbilicoplasty aesthetic surgery

The Cougher

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

Man admiring his patterned clothes in the mirror

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

'Maybe a helium boob job wasn't such a good idea,babe!'

'Don't all look at me like that! What did you expect the face pack to do for me?'

You have the worst spring breath.

Insecurities of the Bald Eagle.

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

'You're on Deck! Wilson! Hurry up with that pedicure!'

"How are the new lips feeling babe?"

'I can't see anything through these ridiculous tiny slits, I'll take them.'

Krest Yellow Strips. (Rat performs dental hygiene.)

"...And please let at least one person admire my new hat!"

'Mommy puts on a disguise every time, before she goes to work.'

TV-Mirror.

"Look at me, everyone! I'm amazing!"

'If you ain't broke, I'll fix it.'

'I'm defragging my wardrobe.'

'I turn the other cheek more now that Botox has made it wrinkle-free.'

"The selfie of Dorian Gray"

"I'm Hygienia, the good witch of the north."

'I like to stay fit. Or at least wear a lot of lycra.'

'Get the 'extra hold' bear spray. I want to look good when we come out of hibernation.'

'I know how you feel.'

"There's something you should consider before you begin—my hair works hard and it plays hard."

Extreme Vanity Press - Fall, 2007

'Ben believes looking suave is the most important part of fly fishing.'

'Having limited funds, Irwin goes with the less expensive chest hair transplant.'

Bill Jones - Bill Jones w/out makeup