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A vampire in a canoe.

'Daylight Savings Time claims another victim.'

'No! This isn't the place to order a blood transfusion!'

'Coffee won't help. I'm just not a morning person.'

Hey Doug just out of interest, did you run a reference check on that new guy?

Vampire Blood Donor - I've never done this before.

'You're type A+? Your personal ad said you were AB.' 'It must have been a type O.'

'He's our new Blood and Haematology Specialist.'

'Oh no, not another blood sample.'

'My doctor's put me on a strict diet. From now on I have to ask my victims how high their cholesterol is.'

"The meal was delicious. My compliments to the Haematologist"

'Sorry. We can't pay on your life insurance policy. You apparently didn't read our 'living dead' clause.'

"And now may I bite your neck?"

Vampire eating a 'Clot Noodle'.

'I diet all year, and - BOOM - one haemophiliac and it's back to square one!'

"Junior. Drink your blood before it clots"

"Oh waiter! Will you pass me the anticoagulant please?"

"The bedbugs got to me first."

'You're not showing up at all on any of the X-rays.'

'I agree O-positive is rather nice, but my favourite by far is AB-negative...'

'He's our new Blood and Haematology Specialist,'

"Your last victim was so obese, you've now got diabetes!"

A vampire's pet peeves.

Vampire feeding her baby with a hospital blood drip

Blood transfusion service recruitment - "So you can only work nights!"

'... And this is my cellar.'

Santa: 'Of course I'm a vampire! How else could I have lived for 300 years?'

'I guess we can rule out garlic pills to control your high blood pressure.'

"Did you put garlic in the pasta?"

'He's out all night and sleeps all day.'

'That's one of the drawbacks of butterfly hunting in Transylvania!'

'There's no mistake madam. Your son is wearing the 'junior taxman' playsuit.'

'Good resume, but I just can't see you working here.'

'I told you not to order the stake.'

"When you talked me into eternal life, you left out the part about menopause."