Vacay Planner Pillows

'That's 59p for the flight will you be needing the £345 'access to the toilet' option?'

'I'd say your caravan's a tad overloaded, sir.'

"First class, or with children?"

'I want to visit the very EDGE of civilisation, to explore the BRUTAL shores of natures most REMOTE regions. If you could manage that with a five star hotel and first class travel it would be perfect.'

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

"I'd like a week off without any business related e-mail on my home computer."

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

Packed boats of families on a seaside holidays

Man packing suitcase with French vocabulary

"I can't wait for vacation - I'm going to go sun myself in a south-facing window."

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

'This vacation, let's go on something OTHER than a power trip.'

"Let's see, I make it four suitcases, a rolling bag, and a tote bag... You sure that's enough for our two day trip?"

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

'Next year I'm hiring a tank!'

'...so if we can save enough maybe, just maybe, next year we'll be migrating courtesy of British Airways.'

"I'm afraid there'll be an excess baggage charge on your Filofax."

'My wife is going to kill me. All her shopping coupons are in that lost luggage.'

'Are we broke yet?'

'We would like an unspoiled paradise, but with lots of shops.'

'After researching our dream vacation online with reviews, commentaries, we cams and pictures, we felt we'd been there and didn't need the trip!'

"Honey, can you read through our list and let me know if I forgot anything?"

"The best beaches are Santa Cruz, Hossegor, Ericeira, The Gold Coast, Barbados, Sennen Cove, Oahu and Bali son: They're full of surfers..."

There is no hurricane season in Aruba...

"You just had to book the economy cruise, didn't you?"

Excess Baggage: Airlines are constantly working on new seating configurations.

Travelogue

I travelled to get away from it all. All I got away from was my luggage.

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

A couple looks at posters of Rio, Paris and Tokyo, all of which feature skyscrapers.

"Actually, I hear my boss. I'm on a working vacation."

Canada's winter survival kit.