Utensil Underdog Pillows

Chinese restaurant: In case of emergency break glass (Knife and fork).

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

'She flunked me, but I plea-bargained my way up to a C-plus!'

"I was planning to grow old with Matthew Nelson, but it looks like I'll be growing old with my algebra teacher."

"I'll bet you're very proud of your handsome, well-behaved little sporks here."

"If we only use 10% of our brains, how am I supposed to get passing grades?"

"Don't pull any wisdom teeth. I need all the help I can get in school."

'I wish there were true and false questions on math tests. At least that way I'd have a 70% chance of getting one right.'

Published but unread poet.

'Nothing like the workplace to inspire creativity.'

Stop the big guy!

'At least you won't have to worry about the rising costs of a college education.'

Cleaner in front of interview panel - 'So what makes you want to apply for the job of Equity Fund Manager?'

'The good news is that you don't have any long-term memory loss. The bad news is it's all MIDTERM memory loss.'

'It's been a few hundred years, gentlemen... I think it's finally time to admit that forks are better.'

"Hopkins has missed the sales targets for the last time!"

"I brought a new can opener, but let's save the old one in case we ever need a broken can opener."

A spoon you can run away with, but a spork is the kind of practical utensil you marry.

"He's Britains most eligible Spatula."

'You realize, don't you, that you are playing fast and loose with my self esteem?'

'I probably won't be asked to be the first brain donor.'

Second, third and fourth effort!

"I'm broke, I'm back...and I'm willing to discuss law school."

That's a salad pitchfork, Bob.

Octopus

History exam marked as an 'Epic fail'.

'You didn't train for this marathon, did you?'

'Could you tell the court if you recognize this.'

Higher education.

Forklift truck

"The swim team is really feeling those school budget cuts."

"We should settle this in the kitchen."

Undergraduate talking to college porter

Lockdown Day 45: "From now on we eat food that doesn't require utensils!"

'It's the toxic learning environment.'