Urban Pet Owner Gifts

"Oh, for heaven's sake! It's a shrub!!"

"All those fire hydrants... too many to count, just waiting for me... it's too much! Stop torturing yourself, Bailey!"

"Good boy, Clifford."

Dog Urinating Against The Lamp Post.

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

'Someone got me because I matched her purse, I've been to a rock concert, a night club and two weddings, Life as a designer dog is great but I'd trade caviar for kibble to get a good night's sleep,'

Indoor Climbing Centre for Cats.

"Those aren't coconuts, they're tennis balls." "Sweet mother of Novak Djokovic!" The island of lost tennis balls.

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

Wally Begins research for his thesis entitled "who's a good dog?"

"We can see through the troposphere, stratosphere, mesosphere and into all those distant stars up there in outer space... truly remarkable, huh, girl?"

"What you call tricks I call humiliations."

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

"But everyone is befuddled by math."

Dog looks perplexed as man has his head out the window taking in the beer smells.

Dog Hunting Trophies.

"I didn't know she could body surf. Did you know she could body surf?"

"Oh no, after you. I insist!"

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

"Lemme know when you’re ready to howl at it."

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

"And where have you previously moused?"

'Table scraps, doggie-bag goodies, dropped hot dogs, the cat's dish of food and your master's slippers.'

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

Dog Nightmares

"What I'd give for a stimulating conversation..."

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

I'm at the shrub with the empty bag of pretzels we sniffed last week. Where are you?

Haute Suture

'Super Dog'

Rusty starts to have very violent thoughts toward his tail.

'They make remarkably clean pets.'

Cat with Nine Still Lives

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

“Who’s a good boy that doesn’t feel obliged to prove it by holding too many interesting literary and social opinions?”