Upholsterer Pillows

Man to patient on couch: 'I'd like to help, but I'm not a psychiatrist, I'm an upholsterer.'

Her Flag project near completion, Betsy Ross ponders a patriotic way to represent the colonies when inspiration suddenly strikes her.

"You'll have to decide - become either an upholsterer or a re-upholsterer."

"I got a little confused in the middle of the surgery, but on the whole I think the upholster-plaster was a terrific success."

The Upholstery Consultant

'For our next party, let's invite a carpenter, a painter and an upholsterer so they can help us clean up afterward.'

'I hear your brother fell into an upholstery machine.'

"I had an accident at the upholstery factory - I'm fully recovered now."

'What - no internet? No USB ports? No socket for the coffee machine? No phone? Are you crazy? My husband was a very important CEO!'

Young Doctor, Young Nurse, Young Undertaker

The Move.

'I think this is deep enough for the foundations!'

Artex cartoon

'If you could roll up your sleeves, go behind the screen and plaster the wall.'

'At least they did a good job on him.'

'Harry! - If you can hear me - what did you do with the remote!?'

'I made a Valentine's Day card for you. The school has no art supplies so I wrote the color in.'

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

'Now I don't know what it's like in New York, but this is Kansas city, and we follow the laws of physics out here.'

Chicken Funeral Planning.

"Oh-oh...the way she said 'Jason'...I think its time to define the relationship."

Garage Sale (sign originally read 'Garbage' sale).

Chicken Funeral Planning.

"You're always so depressed, Tom."

Undertaker with 'light', 'done', and 'RIP' settings on his toaster.

'He always said he wouldn't be seen dead with his shirt outside his trousers - he'll be livid.'

"Gracie, can you make me soar?"

'When did you get a ceiling fan?'

Teacher giving marks out of ten to builder repairing wall in school.

'Cut! More sobbing, people! From the top...'

Undertaker's Flower Box.

Lenny's Crack Repair

'I tend to bury stuff.'

"Deputy, round up a posse, I can't find my phone."

"Just to be clear, you want suicide doors installed on your hearse?"