Upgrade Junkie Pillows

"If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

… and this model reminds you that its already out of date. I'm obsolete. Buy something new, loser! Handy.

'I'm working because I've been upgraded. He never upgraded so he's out of work.'

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

"Could you please focus on the objective of this meeting, Tom... you can get back to your 300 followers later."

My new laptop is nicer than your new laptop. I'm not going to get into a competition about whose new laptop is nicer. The one I replaced is nicer than the one you replaced. Stop it.

'I'm designing a robot that'll do my drafting homework for me,'

Addicted to Facebook...lost internet connection.

Man feeding his computer money.

"Siri, find oxygen."

"I don't need a lecture Dad, I know all I need to know from the online tutorials of @DamKing61, @HotDam72 and @DamEasy27. . ."

"Has anyone else noticed that the efficiency experts seem a little robotic?"

"C'mon, time to get up and stare at your devices all day."

"I think that was one upgrade to many for Chris!"

"Wait -- I have an app that creates a napkin to write the contract terms on."

"I've just been reincarnated, anyone here know what iphone we're up to?"

'The next big thing is ultra nano.'

'I love to see you all so busy!'

"He's so into social media that he's become anti-social."

'I hunt and I gather. I invented multitasking.'

"This is genius, Ted. We can't use it. Nobody will believe I thought of it."

"It's the new self-driving model."

"My self-driving car is wintering in Florida."

'Sorry, you're overqualified for this job.'

The Robotics Department. It says here that these guys completely replace all the cells in their bodies every seven years! Wow! What a slow upgrade cycle! If we don't replace all our parts every six months we become obsolete! It makes you wonder why they're in charge! Yeah, like they expect us to remember thousands of gigabytes of data while they forget their passwords! (Published originally on April 19, 2006)

Primordial Schmooze

Internet Cafe

"So, gentlemen.... By investing in this time vortex manipulator, we will be able to cross the bridges before we come to them."

New hyper-realistic Star Trek

"These kids and their shellfies..."

"Actually, I worked my way up from ideas and you can too!"

'Hey! I've just had a great idea! How about a light bulb...?'

'We've decided to upgrade your position with a new version 2.0 employee.'