University Life Pillows

'Professor, Professor, the slaves are, I mean, the PhD students are revolting!'

Report on Plagiarism - 'You've copied all this off the internet...'

'Today: The collective unconscious...'

"My first choice college should have lots of closet space."

"I wish my Dad would get off my back! It's only been nine years and he wants to know if I've picked a major yet!"

'Don't call the Nobel Committee just yet: We forgot to calibrate the instruments before the experiment...'

College: 'We do not discriminate on the basis of race, age, sex, or religion. Students must simply be able to afford $20,000 tuition per year.'

'I love our lunches out here, but I always get the feeling that we're being watched.'

'Dad, I don't qualify for financial aid, but the dean offered to find you a second job!'

He's got 'I'm in grant renewal heaven' all over him.

Department of Archaeology Floor Plan

'Hold on a minute. Someone stole my pen.'

'In the future, everyone will have fifteen minutes of tenure.'

'I like the history professor but I think he's mired in the past.'

MA Certificate - Master of Alcohol.

"Professor Van Winkle, the university has instituted Reevaluation of Tenure, time to wake up."

'Academic freedom doesn't mean you're free not to study.'

'At this point, I'm taking it one paradigm at a time.'

'I read your college application essay. First of all, the word 'college' has to 'L's'.'

I tried to take eighteen credits.

Are you sure this is the best way to fill the endowed chair?

Trouble at med school - "Gosh, it's already my third day and I'm still sober."

"Do you have this grant in a bigger size?"

Publish or Perish: 'Welcome to the Team. Remember, if you follow the University Motto, you'll do fine...'

Congratulations, and thanks for the $86,000... Congratulations, and thanks for the $86,000...

Campus Map

Ethical studies: 'No thanks, I;m doing law.'

The Lecture.

"Professor, we need you to stop. The Student Union has decided that the earth is flat."

'Thirty years in academia and all I got was this chair.'

"He's a nice young man, but are you sure he's an M.B.A.?"

Scientists continue their research on the Hippocampus.

'Okay, okay. Rolling, you can be the assistant Directing Chairman. Smith, you'll be the Resident Vice-Chancellor Emeritus. And Rothstein, you're the Head Executive Supervising Associate Dean. Settled?'

"I hereby bring to order this Sunday session of the Faculty Senate."

A Guide to Academic Gowns and Hoods