University Insiders T-Shirts

'While the campus master plan does not provide for one, it does not rule out the possibility of a COSTCO.'

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

Molecular Biology and Cosmology buildings

"National security adviser"

Lesser known greek gods,

"Sorry, kid. No off-campus drinking until you're twenty-one."

'Sorry, Marx, but your writing ability doesn't meet our needs.'

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

"Hold everything! I just thought up a terrific loophole!"

Man on left - 'What do you call a public servant who spends half their time doing private work?' Man on right - 'An MP?'

"Dad, why does a huge beast like that let such a small bully control it?"

Fiscal cliff

"Will you two stop giggling every time I say 'assets'?"

'You're going to stitch me up in this interview aren't you?'

'This thing is dangerous! -- invent fire and burn it up!'

"That's not how I had hoped they would promote my novel."

'I'm afraid we only publish A list celebrity cookbooks.'

Man about executive: 'Success went to his head. There was plenty of room there.'

"By God, you're not a man who's afraid to fail."

'I'm not interested in what the paper is about, Dr Jones, I just want you to put me on the authors' list...'

Merchant Bankers - Patience is a virtue, anyone displaying it will be dismissed

"Don't peddle your new book until the seminar's over."

'I'm your husband. Surely you can tell me how many copies your book sold.'

The institute.

''Fasting' doesn't mean eating fast food!'

'Mom calls this a diary where you write private thoughts no one else can see. What fun is that?'

The Pi Advantage

"He came highly recommended – then again, it was a jury recommendation."

"This is an impressive resume, but do you have other experience besides 'barking a lot'?"

GOP surprise.

'We're promoting you to Full Professor, Ferguson -- Here are your elbow patches!:'

"Let's just issue last year's annual report and see if anyone notices."

"We can't even admit we work here."

'Hmm...could you make the 'Me' bigger?'

"Even though it's an honorary degree, we have to bill you for 4 years of tuition."