Universal Unifier Prints

'To become ONE with the Universe, you must first become COMPLIANT with the Universe!'

Social distancing

High-gravity baseball

Meet the Enemy

'This is embarrassing. By MY calculations, the universe should have collapsed in on itself last Wednesday.'

It's not a bad planet -- Their talk shows make it seem a lot worse than it is.

"And where do you see yourself in the next 7-8 billion years?"

"Ever wondered about the development of mankind if, just before the big bang, a voice said 'Oops!'"

Newton's cradle

'And so thanks to my dad's waistline I now understand the theory of our constantly expanding universe!'

'The big bang theory of creation.'

Health cuts after Covid 19

Otto von Bismarck

"Harold - We gotta come up with tag names and go over it - That's how we reclaim our block."

You are everywhere.

'If the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?'

'I know just how you feel. Sometimes I think I'm living on the wrong planet too.'

The universe doesn't really care if we're "having fun." And neither does Bob.

'Then it's decided... the United Nations will bring full sanctions against Rienzo's Hoagie Hut for today's cruddy lunch.'

Group hug.

The Big Bang Theory Revisited

Stephen Hawking

"It sure is great to have you back for a while at the mother ship."

'Well, don't look at me!'

"And on the eighth day, the Lord just puttered around..." "That cloud doesn't belong there. Did I do that? I'd better move it..."

When Euclid and Galileo get together they talk about parallel universes.

'Entropy already? You just made it.'

'Will you marry us?'

"Totality was great, but now that it's over I'm like, 'What am I even doing?'"

"Lord, looks like our country is split right down the middle - help us to combine our energy to make America better!"

'I'd say this planet is uninhabited.'

The dream of a rainbow nation goes up in smoke.

"Hello I.S.S.? This is Mission Control. We regret to inform you that you're all being sent back home due to outsourcing."

"This economic upheaval has made me go back to my roots. I'm moving back in with my parents."

'Intriguing theory, Dr. Kleinherz, but the fact that the Universe is expanding doesn't necessarily mean that God is a capitalist.'