Universal Tax Planner T-Shirts

Tax Preparer. I'm working on my client's tax returns. Mars, being the "red planet," is claiming a business operating loss. Jupiter, with all those moons, takes deductions for almost 70 dependents. And earth has no new nations this year ... so no "capitol gains" to declare. Did Mercury lower his taxes? Yeah, he's eligible for a huge solar energy tax credit!

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

"HR-bill 9495. Cutting down non-profits."

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

'Progress of a bookshelf'

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

'Office' block tightening it's belt

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

"Just because I can deliver toys around the world in one night, doesn't mean I understand the tax code."

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

Squirrel putting nuts in a safe box.

"Actual results indicate that the statistical analysis of the data which projections were based on may have been wrong."

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

'Forget the DaVinci Code! I'm still trying to crack the tax code!'

G7 Tax Multinational Companies

"Unfortunately Daddy already owes the government about 500,000 Pokemon cards."

European currency on the edge.

Fiscal cliff - US dollar falling over the edge.

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

"And we will absolutely start lending again as soon as we finish building our debtors' prison."

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

'There's more to life than winning. There's also losing - to offset taxable capital gains.'

'He's refusing to die as a protest against Inheritance Tax.'

'You have to reconcile your gross habits with your net income.'

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

"Just remember if we don't enjoy it we can claim it as a tax-deductible business meeting..."

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is, none of us will be alive then.'

Graph Your Relatives!