Unexpected Retiree Pillows

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

"You've been so good to us all these years. Is there anything we can do to repay you?"

"I used to love power, but now I'm more interested in mileage."

"Why bother?"

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

Two old superheroes on a park bench feeding the birds.

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

"He was just hanging about in the shed, so I had him repurposed."

"Since being semi-retired everything I do is half-assed."

'When I was young, I said I'd make it big or know the reason why - Well, I sure know the reason why!'

Old snowboarder with a zimmerboard.

"Your brow is definitely more furrowed than it used to be!"

'I am not doing nothing ... I am perfecting inertia.'

"No more swinging from tree to tree! Now I take the bus and I even get a senior discount!"

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

'I'll see your diuretic and raise you three anti-depressants.'

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

'Gen-Xers in their retirement years.'

Elephants never scared me. I once chased three of them into the river/I was able - before I lost my teeth - to bite a crocodile's tail right off / I'll never forget the time I roared so loud, twenty or maybe thirty monkeys fell right out of the tree.

Best Scapegoat

“Typical, first we lost our winter fuel payment, and now our woolly jumpers!”

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."

Getting to the ER saved my life...early retirement.

"Death coach..."

'Somewhere along the way, I went from lambada to lumbago.'

'I don't want this job. I worked all my life and retired. I like being retired.'

'You'll have to excuse Gerald - he suffers from Seasonal Affected Disorder' (Naked man in arm chair in living room)

Senior PGA Moment.

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

'Retirement is OK, but instead of looking forword to weekends, I'm working at McDonalds.'

'Relax - we're retired, we don't have any teeth.'

The Great Pyramid of Geezers

"The nest may be empty, but our drinks are full."

'Something tells me asking him to delay his retirement may be futile.'