Unexpected Retiree T-Shirts

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

"I used to love power, but now I'm more interested in mileage."

"Why bother?"

Two old superheroes on a park bench feeding the birds.

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

'When I was young, I said I'd make it big or know the reason why - Well, I sure know the reason why!'

"Since being semi-retired everything I do is half-assed."

Old snowboarder with a zimmerboard.

"Your brow is definitely more furrowed than it used to be!"

'I am not doing nothing ... I am perfecting inertia.'

"No more swinging from tree to tree! Now I take the bus and I even get a senior discount!"

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

'I'll see your diuretic and raise you three anti-depressants.'

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

'Gen-Xers in their retirement years.'

Elephants never scared me. I once chased three of them into the river/I was able - before I lost my teeth - to bite a crocodile's tail right off / I'll never forget the time I roared so loud, twenty or maybe thirty monkeys fell right out of the tree.

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

“Typical, first we lost our winter fuel payment, and now our woolly jumpers!”

"Death coach..."

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."

Best Scapegoat

Getting to the ER saved my life...early retirement.

'Somewhere along the way, I went from lambada to lumbago.'

'I don't want this job. I worked all my life and retired. I like being retired.'

'You'll have to excuse Gerald - he suffers from Seasonal Affected Disorder' (Naked man in arm chair in living room)

Senior PGA Moment.

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

'Relax - we're retired, we don't have any teeth.'

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

"The nest may be empty, but our drinks are full."

"I want to quit, spend more time with my family, finish grade 3....."

'Something tells me asking him to delay his retirement may be futile.'