Underwater Enthusiast Pillows

'Frankly, I think we should stop trying to communicate with Humans: They're simply not smart enough to understand us'

'Oh my god, Larry, you gotta try this.'

Stork Delivering Fish

Fish snorkling above water.

"Me, I've traded mobility for living space and comfort...

'The doctor said you should cut down on the 'love bites'...'

'I'm not sure Dad, but I think I wet the bed.'

"You seem to be balancing your workload well."

'Slight plumbing problem?'

"And for another fifty bucks, I can put you in a brand new Hummer."

"Stupid thing won't light."

Whale Shark Thoughts...

"Every year I lay a thousand eggs. Mother's Day rolls around, not a single card."

Fresh calamari.

New! Weeping gourami: 'How can you tell if they're 'weeping'?'

Evolution.

"Look at you! Dirty all over! I told you not to play with your ink!!"

Marine Selfie

'I think he wants you to play ball!'

'There was no nasty surprise: The prenuptial agreement my wife made me sign clearly stated I would take care of the kids...'

"Don't bother going that way: They've installed shark nets..."

"I'm too old and tired to zap prey anymore: When I do, it just tickles them..."

"1 pinch of salt, 3 pinches of baking soda...oh dear, a cup of flour? How many pinches is that?"

Dry Cleaning

"I've had 2000 fingerlings and not one of them called me on Mother's Day."

"I wanted a dry red wine! Dry!! You got it??"

Wrong mask

"They say underwater is the next Brooklyn."

'Great, soggy sandwiches again...'

"Enough with the video games go out and play!"

"Look ma, I got my first tentacle!"

Deep Sea Tour: View the Sunken Wrecks

'My doctor told me to eat less fish.'

"Don't worry, I was terrified of clown-fish at your age too. You'll get over it with age..."

"You come from a long line of stay-at-home dads: What makes you think you have what it takes to branch out?"