Underground Lit Fan Pillows

'Rehab centre' "I'm addicted to Irvine Welsh"

"I only like their bad albums – the good ones are too commercial."

"Oh no! Some self-obsessed, anti-social bastard has graffitied over your graffiti!"

"We're on our way to the mall to do some off-line shopping."

Pub. This is John. He also loves obscure bands until they're popular then hates them. The Druidiots. Luckies. 50 ale.

Keats's heart aches, and a drowsy numbness pains his sense.

Unlike modern day hipsters, pre-historic hipsters didn't need to rely on yoga, hiking or even rock climbing to stay fit...

"Did we just paint the house or did it just paint us?!"

"No, still there."

'My hubby is getting better at D.I.Y. . . . Oh yes, he now spends more on screws than plasters.'

'An no one heard him scream when they screwed on the pump and slowly drained all his vital fluids...'

'You sure we can't afford another ladder?'

"That fly paper's paid for itself."

'Why did Oliver Twist?'

'You should've seen how he stood his ground with the board of directors this morning. I swear, the guy must have icewater in his veins!'

'It's been taken care of.'

Early 3D home entertainment systems.

Avon lady (selling foundation cream) tapping a builder on the shoulder.

'All I said was,'do you want decking,sir?'

Blues musicians who never found their audience

Fixing the light

'Bill, in the country it's a CELLAR not a BASEMENT! I won't come down 'til you use the proper term.'

I hope you brought enough beer boxes for all the dads.

Jump Stop

'Dad, where do they keep their chargers?'

'What would it cost to change it into a one-way glass house?'

Episcopalian Flue Jab.

"Will you put something on?"

Man nails in a picture of boxing wearing boxing gloves.

Jane Air

'Let's wail!'

'I appreciate your concern for the natino's infrastructure, and I assure you we're doing everything we can.'

Flower Seller.

"My mom really works at keeping my lunches interesting!"

"I know it's a classic. But I could only get halfway through it."