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"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

"Eat my dust!"

'Unbelievable, these guys brought a ringer.'

Gifts from the House of Low Goals.

'We're doing the right thing, Bob, Let Andy solve problems with bullies at school his own way,,,'

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."

"Stop with this mathematics dictatorship."

"I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass."

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

'Haven't they found you a chair, yet Cludmore?'

David and Goliath.

'I'll call you Friday, there's a one in seven chance that's the right day of the week.'

'This game is going to be a character-building experience.'

"Thank you, Sir."

Soldier to David about Goliath: 'You did that with a step, a flick and a follow-through? Talk about high impact exercise!'

"Not many of you may agree with me..."

'Oh great, we'll never win with this nerd on our team.'

"Like many attorneys I was the runt of the litter."

'Determined little guy.'

'You realize, don't you, that you are playing fast and loose with my self esteem?'

Masochistic Soccer Fan

Martin Gray.

'I gave him the old one-two, but then he gave me three, four, five, six, seven and eight!'

"What I don't understand is why people waste their time writing when they might not get published,."

'Nah, I wasn't really afraid. See, even though he's pretty mighty as far as mice go, he's still, well, a mouse.'