Twin Sister Gifts

Cruel twin, half wit twin and timeless fake-mirror gag.

"No, that was my twin brother. I was too chicken to cross the road."

Twins

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

Robot Parts $5

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"How can you be out of wings?"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

Butterfly Woman

"The good old days of eating the washing off the line are all gone methinks: The farmer has bought an electric dryer..."

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"You think you can? Think again, mister. You know you can. Got that?"

"I hope you are enjoying the walk..."

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

Larry's used art

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

The Busy Gardener

Gender Equality

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

Computer Room.

Domestic Superheroes!!

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author