Tv Time Traveler Pillows

'We now pause for technical difficulties....'

It's so nice outside I'm recording the Weather Channel to watch next winter!

John Barth wrote "Everyone is necessarily the hero of his own life story." That he did, little buddy. But what if a person spends most of his life watching tv, films, Youtube, Instagram, Facebook, etc? What if my -- I mean, this person's -- life story is watching other people's life stories? Does that make other people the hero of this person's story? Sometimes I don't know where I end and Kanye begins. That'd be somewhere around Kim Kardashian.

"We've just crossed the line between binge viewing and OCD viewing."

"We need to sue, claiming free speech is being violated by remotes with fast forward buttons."

'Gimme the remote. I think you got it on slo-mo.'

I was a huge Beatles fan right from the start. I remember waiting backstage after each show.

TV: 'It's 10 PM. Do you know where your childhood went?'

"The Brady Bunch, circa 2025."

'More retro programming!'

"Okay, I'm definitely getting older."

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

"Meet the scribe"

Historical memory is on life support.

Moses on the web

If time travel was invented in 1600 in England. I'm a fan of the bard. Let's see if he wants to take a journey through time. Globe Theater. Sounds fun! Let's go to 2020. It's a nice round number. Zazzz! Poof! That's weird. How did they know he was coming? And why does he need to leave this place? Apparently you can't be here, William. The sign says "No Shakespeare in the park this summer."

The Missing Sock Returns

"Thank you for letting me listen to my oldies. Let's start with some Jimi Hendrix."

Leslie Caron.

"We're following Carrot Top."

'That's about it so far, Son.'

"So then, after I'd invented my time machine, I thought: why not go back and visit the good old days?"

Second hand furniture.

E=mc2.

Pinocchio's Second Realization

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

Cord cutter

'I'd say it's six of one and one half doxen of the other.'

"Wait... what was it I came up here for?"

"Damn. I took the Rip Van Nyquil."

"About how if the dark ages never happened we'd be so much more technologically advanced by now."

"Milk, butter, bread - all past the expiration date. either he just hadn't noticed before, or his time machine worked."

"Early model of baggage claim"

Einstein develops his theories that time is relative while ordering at a fast food restaurant.