Tv Talent Scout Pillows

Simon Cowell

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

"College basketball recruiters are after him."

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

I like what I'm seein' out there. This could be our year Wikowski.

Giraffe Portrait

The Drummer

"Really, self-taught - that's remarkable!"

'Billy! Set your homework aside and get down here. There's another basketball recruiter here to see you.'

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

Talent, pluck, or plain dumb luck?

"If there is no more American Idol what am I going to do to become famous?"

"Jerk." "Jackass." "Screw you." "Bite me."

"That's my novel."

No Talent Agency

"The guy's a natural!"

Sign Him.

Trump commissions song

'And all this time you thought she was just being annoying.'

"I'm a TV producer. I can get you on one of those fake judge programs, and you'll both become famous."

The Ox Factor

"She's not all over you, but she gets the job done."

"This next song is for all the music teachers who said I'd never make it."

"Sign the contract first kid, then you get the sweets!"

'Thank you! This next song I wrote to prove that we accountants DO know how to be 'cool'.'

' I don't understand! He's never done that before!!'

Theatrical Agent - "And does she say anything else apart from Moo?"

"Just the, two recruiters from the college's awning leap team drove by."

"The good news is he costs a quarter of what a string quarted would; the bad news is that, of course, he's suffocating."

'Usual Saturday night crap.'