Tv Show Writer Prints

Cull TV producers who think programs are improved by putting scrolling notices at the bottom of the screen.

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

Cut!

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

There's a crew here from 60 minutes and they're coming this way.

'Do you realize that we're sitting in a prefabricated house, eating precooked dinners, and listening to Chris Matthews' opinions?'

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

Applause

"And by president we mean the one on Saturday night tv, not the real one. He kinda sucks."

TV jester.

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

'Contrary to the popular view, our studies show that it is real life that contributes to violence on television.'

"Downton Abbey Road"

"Here's the deal, boys. We need to see a little more bickering. We're doing a Reality Show."

'You don't want weather? Not a problem! How about sports, or maybe a nice movie? We can do that! Just put that thing down and let's talk, OK?'

MEGASTUDIOS, INC., 'Just think of it -- 'CSI Mayberry,' with Robert DeNiro as Andy and Wesley Snipes as Barney!'

". . . I called this meeting to communicate that I had dinner Noah..."

Mary Tyler Moore: Spot the Difference

Somewhere in America... the day after "The Mary Tyler Moore Show" came to an end.

"I'm glad they want comedy... the budget is a joke."

"You haven't enjoyed the Yule log till you've enjoyed it in high def."

Senior Jeopardy!

"I actually saw ten gay characters on television this week—which almost balanced out the 2,174 straight characters I saw."

"What's the final episode of 'Seinfeld' about?""It's about nothing."

Police film evidence

"Despite thoroughly scraping the celebrity barrel, that Orwellian nightmare Celebrity Big Brother is back on our screens again."

'The following programme contains scones of a sexual nature.'