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"I don't care what they did on ER. You don't need an emergency triple bypass. You need an aspirin."

'American, idle.'

'We need to ask ourselves... 'what would Tony Soprano do?'...'

Showbiz is tough

"It's like 'Family Circus' meets 'The Wire,' but on a cruise ship."

'You've been watching 'Crocodile Hunter' again, haven't you?'

Welcome to Midsomer. (Twinned with the village of the Damned)

'The Science Channel's started a new quiz show -- 'The Carbon-Dating Game.''

"To her, every channel is the Whether Channel."

'Here's Gwen with the latest celebrity trial news to pump up our ratings...'

'We're such fans of 'I'm a Celebrity', that we thought we'd try Rex's testicles.'

Advert for a Hypnotism TV show.

'Great negotiator... but he watches way too much Jack Bauer.'

"Your new show is an affront to human sensibilities. I smell winner!"

'I thought this was a documentary about animal cruelty.'

"Are you sure this species has never been filmed before?"

Out of Context Nite with Jeremy Clarkson.

Celebrity Clerk: Schrodinger's Cat.

"Eastenders!! It's more depressing than an evening at your mother's."

"Hard day at the office, dear?"

'He wants to go on the 'Big Brother' programme!'

"It's not a riot, Dear. It's a football game."

"Ed's not really into binge watching...he just can't find the remote."

Alyssa Milano

"Binge-watching squirrels. What are you doing?"

"And now a word for people who can't sleep at night."

Book Shop Plot Spoilers

"You kids have it too good! When I was young, rebels invaded my village and made my life miserable for everyone! They shut down all the power!"

'I haven't a clue who he is - must be a celebrity'

Antiques Road Rage

"Mom, turn on the TV!"

Studio 51

"Meaning of life!!" "Meaning of 'Game of Thrones' series finale"

Ernie's on a high-protein diet and craving foods he can't have. They're creeping into everything he says. Whatcha watching, Ernie? I'm trying to decide between "Game of Scones" and that zombie show, "The Walking Bread." Later I might watch some "Dancing with the Starch." Ernie, leave room for that political drama you enjoy so much. Oh yeah, I love binging on "House of Carbs"!

"Please tell me Trump isn't still doing The Apprentice."