Tv Panel Show Fan Prints

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

'Straight eye for the queer guy.'

'Mixed day on Wall Street. Economic indicators were up, but executive bonuses were down.'

"It's your final warning...Quit playing the 'Beverly Hillbillies' theme song"

'With the kind cooperation of the underworld, we present live, for the first time on TV, an actual holdup.'

TV Situations vacant.

Moses' TV guide.

"Thanks Dave. I don't know about you folks, but I can feel it coming in the air tonight."

"Well, now we know what Letterman's doing, what are we doing?"

'We have lost the video and voice audio, but will continue with the laugh track.'

"The X files...the tooth is out there"

"My real money comes from my TV news appearances predicting stock market rises and falls."

"Whatever happened to traditional marriages? There they are...on national television...with millions of people watching...two women getting married! And they're both wearing blue jeans!"

A castaway on an island with an old TV that's washed ashore, sees two men in an approaching boat marked, 'TV Licensing'.

'Of course cutting back on this level of bureaucracy will require a lot of work...'

'Sorry, viewers, I was going to show you one I made earlier but it's been scoffed by the second assistant sound engineer.'

I lost as a contestant on the quiz show, but they gave me this lovely parting gift...

Good Morning Britain has just achieved something previously thought impossible...by making Piers Morgan the most likeable man on screen.

'I stopped watching Sesame Street the second I found out it was educational.'

'Well, it WAS worth nine thousand dollars. Sorry about that.'

Ostrich TV.

'If we lose the malpractice lawsuit, we can always sell it to the Bloopers Channel.'

Marvo the Bird Impersonator

The walking dead

'If you smiled in the mornings, you'd come up in the ratings, too.'

"How about that! Wanda, you also landed on cheese."