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Jeremy Kyle

'Fred just rages when he sees how veterinarians are portrayed on TV.'

"I this series he plays a real dramatic roll."

"It'll be HUGE. A soap opera like 'Dallas' but way more overblown. Totally crazy. We can call it 'Washington'. And in the season finale, I blow it all up."

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

Difference of Opinion

American Idle.

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

Stop! Stop what? Do not change the channel! Sex, death, harrowing footage of the most remarkable story you've ever seen, tattoos, rock-n-roll, action, action, action! It's all coming right up, right after this five second break for station identification. Five seconds ... You're watching Rock Television. And now back to our ... bored. Welcome to ABC. We've got thrills, action, more thrills ... Click. I've got your action right here. We've created a monster. Click click click click click cl-

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

"Maybe I don't like stunning debuts."

Can't Touch This

'What does it say, Dad?'

'Sue didn't watch soap operas all the time. She also reads books'

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

Succession 2

'Doesn't txt msg make it 38 languages and not 37?'

"I mean the Saturday Night Live president, not the lousy one."

"I like it but does it get only the one channel?"

Midsummer Night's Dream

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

Christmas TV...

"First, the disclaimer: I'm a doctor portraying an actor portraying a doctor."

'It's not as impressive as it looks. He only watches fishing shows.'

Ticket - At the Theatre in the Hay Market - The Authors Benefit Pasquin.

Can't Touch This

'I said, you're supposed to be in the underworld.'

'Of course, I'm not one of those glamorous paleontologists who are all over TV these days.'

"It was so depressing. When I go to the theatre, I want to be entertained."

'Every TV show seems to have a lucrative phone-in competition these days.'

'I thought this was a documentary about animal cruelty.'

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"