Tv Critic In Training Gifts

"Wish we could vote for which ex-Big Brother contestant we's most like to leave the TV schedules...."

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

Difference of Opinion

American Idle.

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

Stop! Stop what? Do not change the channel! Sex, death, harrowing footage of the most remarkable story you've ever seen, tattoos, rock-n-roll, action, action, action! It's all coming right up, right after this five second break for station identification. Five seconds ... You're watching Rock Television. And now back to our ... bored. Welcome to ABC. We've got thrills, action, more thrills ... Click. I've got your action right here. We've created a monster. Click click click click click cl-

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

Can't Touch This

'What does it say, Dad?'

"I mean the Saturday Night Live president, not the lousy one."

"I like it but does it get only the one channel?"

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

"...and yet it doesn't quite capture his thoughtful, contemplative side."

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

'Of course, I'm not one of those glamorous paleontologists who are all over TV these days.'

'It's not as impressive as it looks. He only watches fishing shows.'

Christmas TV...

"This is one of her more important paintings from her early period."

Can't Touch This

'Every TV show seems to have a lucrative phone-in competition these days.'

'Do you want to watch the weather/natural disaster channel, the nuclear proliferation channel, or the gun violence/Kennedy assassination channel?'

Meet John Henderson. - The only journalist NOT to have interviewed serial killers in prison...

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

'I thought this was a documentary about animal cruelty.'

A slow Day on the Rolling News Channel

'What a strange episode -- they just voted Ricardo Montalban off the island!'

"You don't have to answer that."

"I suppose we have Judge Judy to thank for all this."

Diana Inquest - 'It's time to move on, and start making a TV mini-series of her life.'

'I'm a has-been celebrity - get me in there!'