Tv Couch Commentator Pillows

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

'John is watching the game under protest.'

"Fancy dyeing your hair white so everyone could see it was you who played a shocker!"

"We subscribe to five streaming services so why are we never able to see the hot new show everybody is raving about?"

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

"Arthur, the bird's gone and done it again."

Pundits

'That's a full ten minutes with the TV off. What now?'

'I'm going to refer you to Dr. Keinsorge -- he actually enjoys this sort of thing.'

Armchair quarterback/Armchair everything

College Bowl Games - Sponsors

"There's a programme about people watching TV on the other channel."

'Next on News 7...GM offers to bail out the government in the event of a shutdown...'

'And now, an NBS News Special Investigative Report: Why doesn't President Obama get the respect and support he deserves?'

"I am a control freak."

"This is for all the things you have already heard about via social media."

"I've seen this film ten times and it's still awful."

There is no limit to the amount of nonsense that men can talk about football.

"You know I always sit there for my keep fit programme!"

'I told you, never utter that four letter work - 'walk!''

"...No, he can't really fly...no, the bad guys really don't have a ray gun...no, this cereal really isn't the best food in the whole world...no, it won't make you as strong as a giant..."

"I want you to be open and honest and to not leave any hair on the couch."

Mud Slinging

"Why can't you just bat the ball of yarn around like other cats?"

WARNING - This Programme Contains No Strong Language.....

"Since he retired, he fills his days complaining about 'woke' television."

'That's the end of the news - (B****RD MEN!!)'