Tv Couch Commentator Pillows

"If you don't want to know the result of the united game then look away now"

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

'John is watching the game under protest.'

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

"Fancy dyeing your hair white so everyone could see it was you who played a shocker!"

"We subscribe to five streaming services so why are we never able to see the hot new show everybody is raving about?"

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

"It's not just me, Dad. Amazon.com has never made a cent, either."

"Arthur, the bird's gone and done it again."

Your problems are all in your head, Al. This time you're wrong, doctor. I happen to be lying on my keys. The problem is not in my head. It's in my left buttock.

Pundits

College Bowl Games - Sponsors

"There's a programme about people watching TV on the other channel."

Armchair quarterback/Armchair everything

'I'm going to refer you to Dr. Keinsorge -- he actually enjoys this sort of thing.'

'That's a full ten minutes with the TV off. What now?'

'Next on News 7...GM offers to bail out the government in the event of a shutdown...'

"I am a control freak."

'And now, an NBS News Special Investigative Report: Why doesn't President Obama get the respect and support he deserves?'

"You know I always sit there for my keep fit programme!"

"This is for all the things you have already heard about via social media."

"I've seen this film ten times and it's still awful."

There is no limit to the amount of nonsense that men can talk about football.

If you're going to wear a GoPro, Larry, you have to actually go.

"...No, he can't really fly...no, the bad guys really don't have a ray gun...no, this cereal really isn't the best food in the whole world...no, it won't make you as strong as a giant..."

Mud Slinging

"I want you to be open and honest and to not leave any hair on the couch."

'I told you, never utter that four letter work - 'walk!''

"Since he retired, he fills his days complaining about 'woke' television."

"Tonight's big story... we're leaving you... it's not you, it's us..."

'That's the end of the news - (B****RD MEN!!)'