Tv Competition Junkie Prints

"The three finalists find themselves on Sir Alan's private jet with no fuel and just one parachute between them!"

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

University Soapflakes

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

"I can't decide who gets the promotion, so we'll settle it with a rope toy Tug O' War."

'Redneck Goldfish' Earl knew better than to watch Oprah while drinking.

Dancing with the Star Wars

'Breaking Bad' Box Set Addiction.

"Despite thoroughly scraping the celebrity barrel, that Orwellian nightmare Celebrity Big Brother is back on our screens again."

"Consider this job a reality show where you work your butt off 14 hours a day. If you win, you'll get a paycheck and the chance to do it all over again next week."

'I just love this new reality show, TRADING BANK ACCOUNTS!'

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

Mog The Week

nstead of looking at fish bowl, a kid watches the fish on TV as they are being video taped.

"Why not stay with your mother and me? The Feds will never find you here."

Lawn Order. It's a landscaping show about maintaining a tidy yard.

Pentagon Science Contest: '...It's a contest by the pentagon. They're gonna pay out half a million bucks to someone who comes up with the best idea on how people could travel to another solar system.'

Shopper in grocery store sees TV dinners marked daytime and prime time.

Prepare yourself, America. Dancing with the Stars is poised to present a new 12-week competition. And you'll never guess who's dancing now! Listen to the passion and fight in our newest celebrity dancer

"There's more to life than beer and football...I just can remember what it is."

'Maybe getting gordon ramsay to do the after dinner speech wasn't such a good idea after all!'

"If there is no more American Idol what am I going to do to become famous?"

"We interrupt this advertisement to bring you another advertisement that has just been rushed to the studio."

"Well, you gonna spin?" "Ah, maybe after another Breaking Bad."

Frank and Ernie's Poetry Corner. Robert Frost. TV Guide. I think I'll watch some late-night comedy

"Can't stop watching. That ribbon is amaaazing..."

"Say hi to your mother for me and tell her I'm happy her bypass turned out O.K

Isn't there something about this in th Geneva Convention

"What's the best way to break up a marriage?"

'Oh No! Reality theatre.'

America's funniest investment scams

'He's in training for the Olympics'

How to get on talk shows by promoting your new book