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"As you can see here - slow the tape, guys - these sparks are coming awfully close to the truck's gas tank, an explosive situation indeed..." Every high speed chase needs a color man.

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

'Cartoonist thinking'

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

'He hasn't played a game yet, but there are people who have started whinging about him already.'

'She's not very good. She only did three revolutions and her air wasn't all that much.'

Presenter Auditions.

Sports Radio in Crisis

Carl Shurz's attacks on President Grant are 'Played Out'

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

Tree of Public Opinion.

"Lord, save my ass from this Russia debacle, please!"

Pundits

And now, for a rebuttal.

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

"If PBS announcers did football games." "Let's listen carefully to the quarterback as he scans his options. It appears that the defense seems to want to deter his team from moving the ball forward..." "The fans are making so much noise. I wonder if they know how hard that makes it for the players to concentrate?"

Chess on TV

"Actually, we will replace you."

The United States of Amazement

"This is gonna be great!"

Sportscasters on the Savannah

Dear Sadie, How come there never seems to be any penality for pundits who turn out to be wrong all the time?

"That concludes tonight's debate. Next, we will bring you the debate on who won the debate, before we present the debate on whether debates matter."

'He's called that, because he keeps getting licked.'

Americans have been in denial about the cause of mass shootings for a while but it's time to get serious about door control.

Voice of the GOP