Tv Commentator Wannabe Prints

"As you can see here - slow the tape, guys - these sparks are coming awfully close to the truck's gas tank, an explosive situation indeed..." Every high speed chase needs a color man.

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

'Cartoonist thinking'

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

"But the good news is Trump has broken off diplomatic relations with them only on Twitter..."

'He hasn't played a game yet, but there are people who have started whinging about him already.'

Presenter Auditions.

'She's not very good. She only did three revolutions and her air wasn't all that much.'

Sports Radio in Crisis

"Lord, save my ass from this Russia debacle, please!"

Tree of Public Opinion.

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

Sir Patrick Moore.

Carl Shurz's attacks on President Grant are 'Played Out'

"We've now got a higher approval rating than the media."

Pundits

And now, for a rebuttal.

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

Chess on TV

"So, Mrs. Fessler, I understand you're a stand-up comic."

"Actually, we will replace you."

The United States of Amazement

"This is gonna be great!"

"If PBS announcers did football games." "Let's listen carefully to the quarterback as he scans his options. It appears that the defense seems to want to deter his team from moving the ball forward..." "The fans are making so much noise. I wonder if they know how hard that makes it for the players to concentrate?"

Sportscasters on the Savannah

'Say what you like about the All Black scrum, but it's clearly the most fragrant and well groomed in the modern game.'

Voice of the GOP

Dear Sadie, How come there never seems to be any penality for pundits who turn out to be wrong all the time?

Trump Liberty

Americans have been in denial about the cause of mass shootings for a while but it's time to get serious about door control.