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"Thank You For Watching Regular Television."

"Is this the movie of the week or the news of the day?"

"This is our rant room."

"What the hell! Let's lay another grant on Channel 13."

Operating Room

"It's now ten o'clock- we have your child."

"It's an ice cream headache telethon."

'ANCHOR doesn't mean you drag the whole network!'

"It's tough being a media exec. There's always a threat of good news breaking out."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

'If only every year was an election year.'

Dialogue

If nobody had invented graphics

Check your universal remote control at the door.

The First Annual Game Show Week.

'Now for today's numbers...'Bad Dogs' outnumbered 'Good Dogs' by two-to-one...'

'They're just like us, except they watch more television.'

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

Tree house.

'Come quick: Rin Tin Tin is on TV again...'

"As some of you may have guessed I got yesterday's sunburn factor wrong!"

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

'Me? Dislocated thumb from switching channels to catch all the Olympic events. . .'

"This just in... the country has adopted a 24 hr military clock... ...details at 23."

Local News in Heaven

"That concludes our broadcast day. Go to bed."

'Och lye the news'

"Fangul." Italian sausage.

"Reports that AI is planning a world takeover are greatly exaggerated."