Turning Twenty-one Pillows

"Sorry, kid. No off-campus drinking until you're twenty-one."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'Well, Tommy, you've grown a foot since the last time I saw you!'

Pinocchio's Second Realization

Gary turns 40.

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

Inside One's Memory Bank

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

"No, son, you’re not ‘M for Mature.’"

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"Quick, I need a drink. Someone just called me Ma'am."

'You can stick your filthy shell. I'm listening to the Arctic Monkeys.'

"I don't know why I worry...Baldo's just a normal boy. It's good to see him maturing...making friends...with nice girls...exploring new feelings...and desires.... You have to go home now."

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

Ed's receding hairline!

Do you think I'm sixty?

"Go ahead. Fly through it. I dare you."

"It's really quite simple: Shave off the soul patch and the car is yours."

'Teens are like trees, you can chart their growth by the number of rings.'

A member of a very populous consumer group attempts to go shopping...

"Can you hurry up with the cake? I have to travel the world, have a career and start a family"

'Dad, I know all about the birds and the bees; explain stock-swaps and derivatives.'

"Your mother and I want to make your 21st birthday a moving experience. We'll help you pack."

"Well, I've come this close to asking out Sylvia Sanchez. But I'm just an average guy! Nothing about me says 'I'm cool! Look at me!'"

"All I ask is a chance to ruin my life in my own way."

'I thought forty is the new thirty.'

'No, thanks. My folks won't let me get any piercings, yet.'

"Maybe you need some kind of app to make it work."

High Pants/Low Pants.

'Remember, son, don't believe any thing you hear and only half of what you see.'

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

"So you dreamed you were an adult?"

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

"You've come to a fork in the road – age-defying or age-appropriate?"