Turkey Tale Teller Pillows

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Books: Novels, Short-Stories, Tall Tales.

Santa Claus's wife beats the soot out of his beard.

"When I first arrived, Young Master was always with me and Old Master didn't want anything to do with me, nor it's the opposite: Go figure..."

'My 'What I Did Over The Weekend' report is about my hunting a 17,000 pound moose, deep inside Canada.Some or all of this report has been fictionalized for dramatic purposes.'

"Listen, pal, I’m not seeing a ‘giant squirrel eating a rib-eye steak.’"

Horror Stories.

Columbus Discovers that when Exploring, It's Not Such A Great idea to Bring The Family Along.

"Tell us the one about swift justice, Grandpa."

Early accounting scandals.

Elephants never scared me. I once chased three of them into the river/I was able - before I lost my teeth - to bite a crocodile's tail right off / I'll never forget the time I roared so loud, twenty or maybe thirty monkeys fell right out of the tree.

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

'It was this big. I swear'

'One of my relatives is coming to Thanksgiving dinner...and one of yours.'

'At least, Men point cameras at you these days: In my day, they pointed guns!'

"I'm the ghost of woodshop past."

'Yeah. Yeah... Wolf, girl, grandma. I got the picture.'

'Do you honestly expect me to believe that fairy tale?

'Day 57. The tigers appear to be adjusting to my presence.'

'And now for my William Tell shot.'

'You've had enough!'

"My dad was a prize-winning bull too: According to Mum, he won a raffle once at the local fair..."

I swear, we rode right through the town and my mistress Lady Godiva wasn't wearing a thing...

'It started off as stories I told my wife.'

The giraffe-tamer.

Little Red Riding Hood

'That's better than your fish stories, Dad.'

'I have a case of...oh, heck. What's that called?'

"An amusing story no doubt Captain, but let me tell you about my experiences with the head hunters of the Amazon!"

"You consistently lied about the size of the fish you caught. Well....we've all done that."