Tsa Worker Prints

"Do you thik you'll ever get tired of working for the TSA Randy?"

The Anti-Agent

'Have you tried pulling the udders?'

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

'The fun begins when we go through airport security.'

'Where was the TSA?'

"Basically, your new job here at the Treasury Department implementing the bailout is simple, Grayson, just grab and armful of money and run..."

Attack of the Underwear Bomber

NSA - 'Start Leakin'.'

'It's called playing. Provides one with a sense of accomplishment - without actually accomplishing anything.'

Natural Stupidity is no match for Artificial Intelligence.

'One carry-on!'

"I can't stop conducting random security checks."

"Computer Help Line? I think something bad has happened to my hard drive!"

TSA

"Sure, pat down strangers all day, but I ask for one little hug..."

"How come politicians don't earn mimimum wage. If anybody does minimum work, it's them."

"Ed always wears a poker face. His specialty is password encryption at the NSA."

'If CEO pay packets aren't a problem, why doesn't everyone get one?'

'Jenkins won the health savings award with his suggestion that we have our employee hernia checks done at the airport by TSA agents.'

'It's a devil to start on these damp November Sunday mornings - luckily we have a sidesman who works for the AA.'

Curate talking to miners

'Of course it's not your fault, Smedley, but someone has to accept the responsibility.'

'Due to budget cuts, all agents will now be equipped with x-ray glasses.'

'You have the right to refuse the body scanner, but then I'll have to pat you down.'

'You're right, good joke, bad timing...'

Airport Security. Our scanner is down, so if each of you could frisk the person behind you, it would be a big help.

'This is what I mean about inadequate interagency cooperation.'

TSA Lines

'Sorry I'm late - I stopped off for a beer and a back rub.'

"...Houston, I repeat, Captain Schroeder has stepped in a cow pat..."

"They do have a calming presence."

'Those new airport scanners can see through clothes!'

'Did you Gack this suitcase yourself, sir?'

"I guess he IS telling the truth.... Well, Merry Christmas, Santa! Have a good flight."