Tsa Agent Prints

"It's a boy!"

The modern American airport

"You're fine, but your teddy bear can't come in until he's properly vetted."

Airport Security

'Don't worry, I have this procedure down pat.'

"They do have a calming presence."

'One carry-on!'

"Retinal scan, sir."

Airport Screening gone wild...

'...and I'm a TSA agent.'

"Look, it's either this or the full body scan!"

'Don't rush me. I have only two hands.'

Airport Body Scanner.

Jesse Ventura Sues Over Being Scanned At Airports,

'I couldn't afford a physical but the TSA guy at the airport seemed to think I was fine.'

"It's the scanner or a pat down by Agent Kapowsky."

More intense body search at airport checkpoints.

TSA

Bomb-sniffing dog fails tests

'Watch this. Before he joined the TSA he was a proctologist turned lawyer...'

Working at the TSA...Pat-Down Fridays

'Not only do we get to probe earthlings, we get paid for it.'

Figure 1. TSA Uniform Guide

'Here's a bit of revealing information coming your way...'

'You're right, good joke, bad timing...'

'Our body scanner has broken down, so I'm going to have to imagine what you look like with no clothes on!'

'Those new airport scanners can see through clothes!'

'Hold it, Ma'am. There seems to be something very wrong here.'

'I'm sorry, Madame, but you've got to pass the scanner one more time!'

"How long we gotta wear these ridiculous dunce caps...?"

Why nail clipper are not allowed on commercial aircraft.

The Tin Man sets off the metal detector at the airport.

"Oh, boy. This can't be good!"

"I don't know how to even BEGIN to unpack the utter nonsense of what you're saying!"

"No, he's not a security risk ... he just loves the pat-downs."