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'After we showed him the partial print we got at the crime scene he decided to lawyer up.'

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

'No doubt about it Captain. See these markings? This arrow belongs to Robin Hood!'

"I've no idea. Maybe it's the slumber channel."

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

"This is probably not the time to admit I only joined the force because I figured we'd just be chasing cat burglars."

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

Joan Hickson

"I swapped my 'couch to 5k' training app for a '5k to couch' one!"

'At least he isn't into drugs.'

Alien uses astronaut's visor as TV to watch news.

"Clive used to be an astronaut."

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

'Just look at him. The face that lunched on a thousand chips.'

"Press catch up, and find out what we just slept through."

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

'I just love this new reality show, TRADING BANK ACCOUNTS!'

Next camera crew 5 mins

"#notguilty."

'If it's a universal remote, how come it doesn't work on the refrigerator?'

'I hate frisking magicians!'

'When I grow up I want to join the SWAT team!'

"It's ok -- It's the Enlightenment Channel."

"Take your time. Do you see the person who made you wear that dress?"

"I'm not leading the witness; I'm winding up my segment on heinous crimes!"

'Hey, buddy -- can you keep a secret?'

'Careful, Mugsy, he's got a tool.'

nstead of looking at fish bowl, a kid watches the fish on TV as they are being video taped.

Miami Mice

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'