Truancy Humorist Pillows

"Hello, L'il Tykes Day Care Center? This is Ethan. I'll be playing from home today."

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

Modern Major General

"The Eggsorcist"

"I keep on getting these feelings of love, peace and empathy..."

Schrodinger's Black Box

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

Drummer

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

Day for day i feel more and more empty.

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

OFA. Onion Farmer of the Year. I told myself I wasn't going to cry ….

"[UNABLE TO PROCESS THIS IMAGE]"

"How barbaric! Females should be wooed by colourful displays, not fighting!"

Roland, the schizophrenic cowboy.

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

'I'm not a magician, but I do keep live doves in my pants.'

The mysterious ancient stone figures of Keister Island.

"Maybe what she really wants you to do is rub her tummy."

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

Berta screams out!

Daffodil bulbs

Computer help.

"How long have I had what problem?"

'I'm very confused. I never had a father. I was raised by two mummies.'

"I'm a glass-half-empty and I'm leaking."

"I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass."

'Cycle shop' selling puncture repair kits next door to a 'Sex shop' selling inflatable dolls

'Lately my business instincts and intuitions have been on opposing sides.'

'Now that's what I call rejection.'