Truancy Humorist Pillows

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

Modern Major General

Schrodinger's Black Box

"The Eggsorcist"

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

Drummer

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

"How barbaric! Females should be wooed by colourful displays, not fighting!"

Day for day i feel more and more empty.

"[UNABLE TO PROCESS THIS IMAGE]"

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

Roland, the schizophrenic cowboy.

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

Daffodil bulbs

"How long have I had what problem?"

"Maybe what she really wants you to do is rub her tummy."

The mysterious ancient stone figures of Keister Island.

Berta screams out!

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

'I'm not a magician, but I do keep live doves in my pants.'

Computer help.

"I'm a glass-half-empty and I'm leaking."

"I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass."

'Cycle shop' selling puncture repair kits next door to a 'Sex shop' selling inflatable dolls

'Lately my business instincts and intuitions have been on opposing sides.'

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

"My brother is always trying to one-up me. As soon as I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder he said he had tripolar disorder."