Tropical Getaway Fan Gifts

Canada's winter survival kit.

Lei-ing Hens

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

Banana Split...

"And then, when I feel like a rum punch and breaded shrimp, I can just swim to Tony’s Trattoria."

"I always send a layover selfie back home, to let everyone know I'm safe."

'I do miss the change of seasons, but thanks to technology, I've offshored everything.'

"Would it still be considered a weekend getaway if we never go back?"

"I keep telling the boss I'm working from home. I'm gonna have to actually do that one of these days."

'All the crabs you can eat, $1.00. But first you have to catch them.'

"George, I think factor 50 would probably be enough."

"Don't you go worrying your head about the lack of sea view."

'I so wish we had found the shears in the shipwreck...'

The Making of a Gag Cartoon

Castaway on a desert island with one tree finds a hammock.

At this time I'd like to thank the man or woman who invented the parasol. Without it, an indoor rain shower might dilute this Mai Tai, hindering my ability to get my full Don Ho groove on.

'Eating all of this coconut is making me feel really horny.'

Yule Tide

"I was sick - sick in Hawaii."

'Oh Great. We just missed the once a millennia bus out.'

'The tropical tax haven where he offshored his business was just hit by a tsunami.'

Self Service Island

'Sorry about that, Miss Delsey. I guess the boat wasn't sinking after all.'

'No, I'm sorry, the HVAC engineer isn't here ... No, I'm not sure when he'll be back? Would you like to be put on hold?'

"Let's welcome Elaine back from her two weeks in Hawaii and hope this passes soon..."

'Gee, Doc; why the long face?'

"I just feel like a cliche."

Luxury Hammock - 2 Person Construction

"I'm a June bug, a beetle in the genus 'Phyllophaga.'"

'Michelle, this is your brother, Paul, do you copy? Over...Paul to Michelle, do you read me?...'

Dean shows off his new Tropical Breeze snowblower.

"Breakfast's ready, darling."

"They'd probably be more fun if there were air holes in the barrel."

'Yeah, my beak's great for crushing nuts and fruit, but it's useless for ice-cream...'

"Please tell me it's not coconut!"