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A witness giving testimony in court

An identity thief takes the stand.

"Not guilty by virtue of reasonable doubt."

'Are you capable of distinguishing right from wrong?', 'Can you give me a hint?'

'You lucked out -- the grand jury doesn't want to get involved.'

'Your honor, we are appealing on grounds the post-trial book deals didn't match the pre-trial publicity.'

These things are sent to try us.

Trial by Media

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

'I request an postponement, Your Honor -- I have to study for my bar exams.'

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, especially when you're majoring in Law.'

"Sorry, kid. No off-campus drinking until you're twenty-one."

Ruth Bader Ginsburg - Forever Supreme

"You can't plead cute."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

'Wow! I never before saw such a strenuous objection.'

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

Sue The Bastards

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

'You got a search warrant, sheriff?'

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

Lady Justice wears a blindfold, but listens through headphones to a tape recorder on one of her scales.

'Remember - do not try to plant the seeds from these apples. They're intellectual property, and they're copyrighted.'

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

Elon Musk in fly me to the moon

"I was caught and released. But according to news reports, I remain a fish of interest."

"Haven't you ever heard of the first amendment?"

It Looks Like Trumpty Dumpty Got His Wall After All.

Jurors saying 'I'm on the jury' on their mobiles.

"That settles it. I'm moving for a retrial."

"Apparently, you have very little respect for our judicial system, sauntering in here with only one lawyer."

"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to sue, and he'll eat for a lifetime."

"I object, Your Honor! This line of questioning is really weird."