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"We've ruled out anything trendy."

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

"When I grow up, I want to go into medicine and help people who can pay out of pocket."

Coming Soon - Maternity Clinic. Coming Soon After - Law Firm Dealing in Medical Malpractice.

'What's wrong with me, Doctor?' 'I have no idea! That information comes within doctor-patient confidentiality.'

'I asked if you were affiliated with an HMO not a UFO.'

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

"You only need one prescription. The other 7 are for the side effects."

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

"So you're interested in medicine, public relations, business, contract negotiations and insurance law? Which one will you study in school?"

'That's the diagnosis of my diagnostic desktop. If you want a second opinion, I'll ask my diagnostic tablet.'

'Wendy! I'm glad you came over! I want you to see my baby's ultrasound hologram!'

Healthy Patients Only

'Another day. . . another half dozen medical breakthroughs for us to comprehend. . .'

"I hear he's taking an experimental drug called, 'It Ain't Over Till It's Over.'"

"Sometimes it helps to turn a question around. Why not you?"

What will the little one be? Epidemiologist? Virologist? PPE manufacturer?

Get well soon!

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of insurance forms.

"Hey, this anti-depressant you've come up with really works"

"We're going to run some tests: bloodwork, a cat-scan and the S.A.T.'s."

'It's an emergency, Doctor. The vitamin company needs an endorsement.'

"You call all this a side effect?"

'Hey, this guy's been operated on before!'

Man on left - 'What do you call a public servant who spends half their time doing private work?' Man on right - 'An MP?'

"I've decided to go a different way for our new health plan."

'Two Aspirins'...'Brain Tumor'

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

Drug vending machines at hospital.

'There, we're up and running! Let the logging in begin. . .'

Eye, ear, nose, throat & real estate investment trusts.

'Thanks for inviting me to dinner - it's really great!'

"Here's to us, kid—and the healing powers of raw juices."