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Ivanka's Latest

"It's no good, Bertie—we must either find some other place to meet or break off the affair altogether."

"It may look funny, but at least I'm warm."

"I call it decking - it will be all the rage in a few years."

Snake Dress-Up

"If I hear the word ‘mindfulness’ one more time, I swear I’m gonna lose it."

Woman colouring man's clothes with crayon.

Couple watches potential cable company buyouts on television.

"Well I hope this one lasts longer than last year's."

Hmm, no, I think I prefer something off the rack.

Extraordinarily Ugly Clothes for Extraordinarily Attractive People

Man with laces on his feet.

No genetically modified candy used in this construction.

"Honestly, I think this was a waste of money."

No Smoking Building.

"We've merged and formed a company called 'Two Guys and a Hat.'"

Let's pretend these unloved looks are key trends for 2024

"I should warn you that I've stopped thinking of my moustache as ironic."

"I drink coffee for your safety."

'Not a 'podcast' - just a cast.'

'How about this one? †'Everybody has to wear plaid socks on Tuesdays.''

This is the Ask Sadie Show. You're on, caller. What's your problem? 2016. Stop that! A year is just an arbitrary span of time, it's not a malevolent entity. Um … except for 1974. That was a puke-green and orange monster that forced normal people to dress like clowns. That demon keeps trying to make a comeback. Eternal vigilance. That is the price we pay. O ... K ...

'I've been here so long I don't remember what I did, but it had something to do with non-compliance.'

'Tch, it's gone in this sandpit. I'll throw it onto the grass.'

Animal Hats.

"Used to be you'd get a sensible nose piercing and leave it at that."

How Fitting Rooms

"I'd like the novel they paid 3.2 million dollars for, whatever the hell it is."

NBS NEWS DIVISION, 'This is just a thought, but maybe we could try animated anchormen.'

'Well, how do you like your new nose!' Reply: 'Can't go to the office party like that!! My colleague has exactly the same!!'

'Why not? It always works in women's fashion.'

Last year's buzz

Cowboy boots and Bermuda shorts: sartorial suicide for the unsuspecting Nathan.