Trendsetter Gourmand T-Shirts

'I try to keep up with the trends in healthy eating. Today I'm making one of those 'warm salads' with sausage, fried eggs, bacon and black pudding.'

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

"Beanirrito"

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

Haute Chinese

A dozen predictions for foods of the future.

"It's Chicken Mole!"

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

An art director eats: 'Waiter! Does this lettuce say 'salad' to you?'

"Chef, we've run out of terracotta roof tiles!"

"Gimme a double burger between two burgers. And hold the lettuce; it only dilutes the experience."

Boy who has eaten oysters and grown fat

'Ahh, but it's a Dyson saltshaker.'

Dijon Vu

Avacados

Capturing a Cook

"Why don't we just take photos of other people's food and order whatever gets the most Facebook likes?"

"I wonder if you folks are aware that black cod is this year's Chilean sea bass?"

'I just saw this fall out of a chicken's bum...let's eat it!'

"This is sort of my little homage to the American farm woman."

French-America Cuisine: Corn Flake Flambe!

"We grow all our own bad-tasting ugly things."

"Dinner comes complete with coffee and your choice of dessert or an oil painting."

Gentrification of the fridge

"It's not having seconds that's the problem. It's having fifths and sixths!"

Sushi

"I'm a computer programmer. After a few more glasses of wine, that'll seem more interesting."

Welcome to my banquet, everybody! You'll find the China in my Far East and there's a New Dehli over in India. You'll then find Chile in South America and Turkey over by the Mediterranean. And do I see the gravy next to Turkey? No, that's just Greece. Ugh! I think I'm losing my appetite. In that case, go over to Eastern Europe and you'll get Hungary.

'Enjoy? Don't tell me what to do.'

"Not eating right? But I haven't spilled a thing."

Are you excited the republicans are going to take back the Senate? Of course. Do you have any idea how many organic, gluten-free, non-GMO sustainable, eco-friendly cups of conflict-free hot cocoa I'm going to be selling? Not to mention the free-range turkey Panini's. Liberals eat comfort foods, too.

"If you'll excuse me, my adventurous palate is at constant war with my delicate ecosystem of gut bacteria."

'What'll it be - one large risk or several small ones?'

"No, we don’t serve ‘organic, local, free-range Spam.’"