Trendsetter Gourmand T-Shirts

'I try to keep up with the trends in healthy eating. Today I'm making one of those 'warm salads' with sausage, fried eggs, bacon and black pudding.'

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

"Beanirrito"

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

Haute Chinese

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

A dozen predictions for foods of the future.

"It's Chicken Mole!"

"Chef, we've run out of terracotta roof tiles!"

An art director eats: 'Waiter! Does this lettuce say 'salad' to you?'

Dijon Vu

Boy who has eaten oysters and grown fat

"Gimme a double burger between two burgers. And hold the lettuce; it only dilutes the experience."

Avacados

"Why don't we just take photos of other people's food and order whatever gets the most Facebook likes?"

Capturing a Cook

'I just saw this fall out of a chicken's bum...let's eat it!'

"I wonder if you folks are aware that black cod is this year's Chilean sea bass?"

French-America Cuisine: Corn Flake Flambe!

"This is sort of my little homage to the American farm woman."

"We grow all our own bad-tasting ugly things."

"Dinner comes complete with coffee and your choice of dessert or an oil painting."

Gentrification of the fridge

"It's not having seconds that's the problem. It's having fifths and sixths!"

"I'm a computer programmer. After a few more glasses of wine, that'll seem more interesting."

"Not eating right? But I haven't spilled a thing."

Sushi

"If you'll excuse me, my adventurous palate is at constant war with my delicate ecosystem of gut bacteria."

'Enjoy? Don't tell me what to do.'

'What'll it be - one large risk or several small ones?'