Trend-aware Reader Gifts

'I'm waiting for it to come out in some format that hasn't been invented yet.'

"Greetings, I'm the bluebird of dank memes."

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

Studies show foods work miracles!

"We made all the wheels out of old coffee tables and chandeliers."

'Which wine goes best with 'the old man and the sea'?'

Emergency Hipster Beard

"I'll have you know that, '#dirtylitterbox' is trending on Twitter."

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

On Aug. 3, 1992, the Moon rose over the horizon wearing heavy eye-liner and mohawk. Fortunately it was just a phase.

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"We're making a video of us watching TV so we can watch ourselves watching TV...later."

"That shirt is so last year."

Evolving Changes in Medical Lingo

Where do you see yourself five years from today, dork-boy? 43 Breen Road. What are you talking about? It's where everyone wants to go. It's the most popular AirBnB in San Francisco. The earliest opening they had was five years from today. Just book a hotel. Hotels are so 2007.

"You're fortunate. Stubble looks really good on you."

"Pumpkin spice has been very good to me."

Final words on gravestones.

"Honey, why don’t you tell Tony and Karen about your microdosing-healing-group thingy or whatever the heck it is?"

"D'you remember caramel before it all became 'salted?'"

"This afternoon, we'll be turning our attention to Guess jeans."

'Why don't you use more blue? -- Blue is very popular these days.'

"What are you doing?"

'What's this I hear about you going long?'

"Not until you've arranged your pillows."

'Our new simplified energy bills just have a few options starting with 'Grossly inflated' and progressing to the premium 'Bloodsucker' package. . .'

#notblessed

"My new watch has a G.P.S. function but it always puts me in the right place at the wrong time."

"One man with a mustache is manly. Sexy. Magnetic."

In the not too distant future... "It's a tribal butterfly tramp stamp, honey. Same as yours."

"Here we go again, every 30,000 years or so this Paleo diet becomes a fad."

"I've been wondering if there isn't some way we could capitalize on the cat craze."