Tree Talkers Mugs

"Now that's a splinter."

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

I hate deer! What do you have to repel them? They're awful. I've got fences. Sprays. Decoys. Tree's Tree Nursery. I'll takes these. Anything to get rid of the varmints. Ring him up, Twig. I don't know why you are so down on deer. They've been very good to you! Anti-deer.

"Ed's tree hugging was out of control."

'Now it fits.'

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

"Dude, I'm losing you in this tunnel."

"Go ahead, tell him... Your friend is correct. Nuts are fruit. Why won't you ever believe me?"

'So, how much to remove this ugly old tree? $1750. It's not THAT ugly.'

Unbeknownst to many, the Frankenstein legend was in fact based on Albert Grimes, the mad tree surgeon.

Cow talking to cat up a tree.

Bonsai Exhibit

"Let me through - I'm a bonsai tree surgeon."

Hanukkah tree

'Don't get me wrong. I like the hugs, but I could really use a kiss once in a while.'

Two men driving truck that says, 'Tree surgeons without borders'.

'Tusking...one...two...three. Tusking one...two...three...'

'Its a dogwood tree. I can tell by its bark.'

An Early Ventriloquist Meets His Future Dummy

'My needles are falling! My bark is peeling! I must have Dutch Elm Disease!'

'The 20th century wasn't bad, but I preferred the 19th. I'm open minded for the 21st.'

"I'm worried about burnout."

'Of course, they're healthy - they listen to me far better than my patients do.'

Philosophy of Forestry: 'How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Walt? Roger? Steve? Anyone?'

Go Back to New York

Wetlands Environmental Reserve - Sensitive Area - Please keep your comments to yourself.

'Give it to me straight, doctor - is it Dutch Elm Disease?

Other things trees do in the forest when nobody's there to hear:

"Repent, lest the axe of judgement fall upon thee."

Unfinished Furniture.

Why the sudden interest in Autumn?

"Now... shall we count YOUR rings..?"

'They're fine through the day, but when I leave work the little one goes 'wee wee wee' all the way home.'

A tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it.

Man talking to a tree.