Travel Tales Fan T-Shirts

'The Moving Finger Writes; And, Having Writ, Moves On To A Three Week, Twenty City Book Tour.'

'When I asked to go somewhere nice and warm, I didn't mean inside your trendy jumper.'

Columbus Discovers that when Exploring, It's Not Such A Great idea to Bring The Family Along.

Subway Thrillers

"So far, my luggage has had a more exciting vacation than I have!"

'At least, Men point cameras at you these days: In my day, they pointed guns!'

'Take Gerald a cup of punch or something, I think he's feeling left out.'

Welcome to Yosemite, Hell on Earth!

'While our cases were soaking up the sun over there we were soaking up the rain over here!'

Circus trousers

'Go to Hell'

'Yes, the owners are giraffes...Did I forget to mention it?...'

Benefits of Living Abroad

Tourist Attractions

"Somewhere in France Maureen has a tête-à-tête."

'It's new government policy - we have to include affordable edifices.'

'For the benefit of the passenger who joined the train at Watford Junction, this is the non-stop London to Birmingham High-Speed service.'

'Brian hated his long legs and dinner parties'

"In America, the streets are paved with gold. And everything else is stuffed with cheese and bacon."

'I can't put my finger on it but George has been different every since came back from safari.'

"Where the @!!!$#% are the pigeons?!"

'You just grew three inches.'

Mrs. Gummidge casts a damp on our departure

"I'm sorry, Rhett, but now I don't give a damn."

"They were right. What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas."

"Hey, buddy, wouldn't the Grand Canal be faster?"

Commuting with Sardinetrack - 'Coo, don't they pack us in?'

'Tourists bring in money ... and sometimes... Hong Kong flu!"

God sees his doppelganger in the toiletries aisle.

"...we didn't lose your luggage, we forgot to load it."

Portly man with hands full asked to jump onto the roof of the bus

'I know a Tail Implant Specialist who can fix that for you.'

"A strong team shares an interest in each others lives."

'It was BAD enough having to look at his holiday photos.'

Man lost looking at city map.