Travel Tales Fan T-Shirts

'The Moving Finger Writes; And, Having Writ, Moves On To A Three Week, Twenty City Book Tour.'

'When I asked to go somewhere nice and warm, I didn't mean inside your trendy jumper.'

Columbus Discovers that when Exploring, It's Not Such A Great idea to Bring The Family Along.

Subway Thrillers

'At least, Men point cameras at you these days: In my day, they pointed guns!'

"So far, my luggage has had a more exciting vacation than I have!"

'Take Gerald a cup of punch or something, I think he's feeling left out.'

Welcome to Yosemite, Hell on Earth!

'Go to Hell'

'While our cases were soaking up the sun over there we were soaking up the rain over here!'

Circus trousers

"Somewhere in France Maureen has a tête-à-tête."

Tourist Attractions

Benefits of Living Abroad

'Yes, the owners are giraffes...Did I forget to mention it?...'

'It's new government policy - we have to include affordable edifices.'

'Brian hated his long legs and dinner parties'

'For the benefit of the passenger who joined the train at Watford Junction, this is the non-stop London to Birmingham High-Speed service.'

'You just grew three inches.'

"Where the @!!!$#% are the pigeons?!"

'I can't put my finger on it but George has been different every since came back from safari.'

"In America, the streets are paved with gold. And everything else is stuffed with cheese and bacon."

Mrs. Gummidge casts a damp on our departure

"Ed lives somewhere in the midwest and Jim settled out on the west coast, so I don't see them much anymore."

"They were right. What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas."

Commuting with Sardinetrack - 'Coo, don't they pack us in?'

"Hey, buddy, wouldn't the Grand Canal be faster?"

"I'm sorry, Rhett, but now I don't give a damn."

'Tourists bring in money ... and sometimes... Hong Kong flu!"

"...we didn't lose your luggage, we forgot to load it."

God sees his doppelganger in the toiletries aisle.

Rudy, you can't meet with the Russians. It'll be a disaster of epic proportions. How so? What could possibly go wrong? There are always unintended consequences with Russia. It was summer of 1988. I was a teenager on a one-man goodwill tour across the Soviet Union. Just me, my Harley and my leather jacket ... that is, until I visited the Kremlin. Let's just say I rode the last few thousand miles of that journey with a beautiful older blonde named Irina clinging to my back. Her father Mikhail was

"A strong team shares an interest in each others lives."

'I know a Tail Implant Specialist who can fix that for you.'

Portly man with hands full asked to jump onto the roof of the bus