Travel Misadventures Pillows

"I didn't use anything from the mini bar"

I'm sorry, sir, the body scanner doesn't work at the moment. Would you please undress and lie down here?'

Halfway across the Hudson River Billy Joe realized he wasn't going to Elvis Island.

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

'My wife is going to kill me. All her shopping coupons are in that lost luggage.'

I love Museum Shops

"Your driver will arrive in 4...9...17 minutes after three accidental loops around the airport."

"You said getting to the air B&B would be quick, I didn't think you meant this quick!"

'No, no, no. You guys are way off! This isn't even the cat. You guys are on the dog.'

Snake Charming

"You finished with your peanuts?"

'You are here' sign on desert island.

The island paradise is the same as on the brochure, just a tad smaller than he thought.

Swearing and fighting in a caravan

'So we lost your luggage -- You still have your health, don't you?'

The vacation rental agency is saying technically that's a "lap pool," so we can't get our money back.

"The kitchen sink. . . actually I DID pack it, it's the one over there on the left."

What brings you to Canada? None of your beeswax. Border. Business, pleasure, asylum or melodrama? Huh? Our newest category. Donald Trump eats kittens! Ashton Kutcher. Melodrama, next!

"Frankly, I've about had it with air travel."

Seagulls landing

'I went with a tour group to Europe, and they dumped me in Spain.'

Man is mugged in the snow and then mugged again by the same person when on holiday.

"My flight’s been delayed for the third time—whom do I punch in the face for that?"

"Yeah, I found a pizza shop that delivers."

'Oh, those are just for show. We don't have electricity.'

"I've seen the world. Now I'm Back."

'About this trip to the Amazon jungle...I want my money back!'

"You're holding the map upside-down."

'That's typical - they're not our suitcases!'

Last chance to tell your bomb joke

'Maybe you should let the wine you packed go to waste. That's the bag with our laundry.'

Airline luggage return: 'Next time, send my luggage to Paris, Texas, and me, to Paris France'

"Flight or fight!"

'Not so fast, Louie -- this may be a trap...'

"She said Africa was a life-changing experience, but I haven't noticed any change."