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'Airport arrivals' men with signs 'Mr smith', 'Miss Wilson', 'Just want to stand here feeling important'

Worst Traveling Companion Ever

I'm really uncomfortable hearing your dirty account of your trip to Ireland, Dr. Kapuchnik. "Aer Lingus" is not dirty, Al.

'Remember our last cruise The porthole is not a wall safe,'

'You want to go somewhere really hot - that can be arranged.'

'Maybe now you'll admit that we're lost!?'

'Remember...over there we're snails, not escargot.'

The Many Faces of Bev

Carefree luggage.

Leaning Tower -After a bottle, Jean noticed the tower stopped leaning.

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

Airport Security.

Dear Diary. . . why, oh why, did I choose an adventure holiday?

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

The Euro-Trash Trashcan

'Do you have any specific regulations concerning travelling with pets?'

"Let's see, I make it four suitcases, a rolling bag, and a tote bag... You sure that's enough for our two day trip?"

"No flight of the Bumblebee"

'Hang on a second, I think I have a sand castle in my shoe.'

"Didn't you just say that?"

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

"I thought they just hibernated for the winter."

Airport Security. Just pass the wand over them, Ernie. Keep your "abracadabras" to yourself.

"We're off. We got a loan to fill er up!"

"My guess it's guacamole."

'If the GPS has to tell you, 'No, we're not there yet' one more time...'

Attack of the Underwear Bomber

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

'This one is a bit different - twelve Indian call centres in eight days.'

Limerick Airport

"Rule #1: don't offer to carry anything!"

Getting out of baggage fees is tricky, another sweater or two and I'd be charged for an extra seat.

Can I have a look at the map?

'Our trip to Florida was great until Rob took us driving with the dolphins.'