Travel Cynic Pillows

Prison on an airplane

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

No Immediate Danger

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

"I've never hated Christmas, just people."

'Memo: Cancel flight.'

"I'd better read the official view before I form an opinion."

'All roads may lead to Rome but so does all the road rage.'

This country is on the road to ruin!

'I'm really getting tired of all these Christmas commercials.'

Scrooge: only-23-days until day after Christmas.

"I'm starting to think those rave reviews about this place are rigged."

"Of course your data isn't really in a cloud. That's almost as silly as thinking your money is actually in this bank."

"Right, now have got everything - passports, airline tickets, parachutes..."

We value your privacy. . . . . yeah, right.

'If you believe Christmas is over-commercialised, press the Sponsored by Cola red button.'

Poverty in Tourist Attractions

Excess Baggage: Airline CEO's should be forced to work at the check in counter explaining those hated add-on fees to passengers.

Motorway services charging extra if you want your food cooked.

Pot hole.

Aurora Boring Alice.

"Amid rampant crime, political instability, frequent attacks by nationalist guerrillas, and numerous endemic diseases, I assure you there is no chance of boredom in this exotic tourist destination."

Bedbug Hotel Reviews

Ministry of Transport: 'Pssst! Do you want to buy a railway?'

'I can't wait to get this holiday of a lifetime over so I can get back to my banal existence.'

"So that's agreed then, we'll go with 'Happy Festive Period' as long as we add a codicil confirming we are in no way responsible for said 'happiness' or 'festivity'."

I hate the beach.

"Relax. I understand the airline has established several new safety procedures!"

'What's all that about, is there a match in France?'

'Everything is illusory, but television is ESPECIALLY illusory.'

Airport Screening gone wild...