Transaction Junkie Prints

"Cash or charge?"

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

'So tell me why you think you're suffering from seasonal ineffective disorder.'

"Could you please focus on the objective of this meeting, Tom... you can get back to your 300 followers later."

'I think I know what the problem is!'

And here's the office floor plan. The numbers indicate the recommended sequence in which to step on people on your way to the top.

"Siri, find oxygen."

"C'mon, time to get up and stare at your devices all day."

...I wonder who started the rumour of your resignation?

"I've just been reincarnated, anyone here know what iphone we're up to?"

'Mr Rombly has cancelled his appointment. The Dow is up and he's feeling no pain.'

'I love to see you all so busy!'

"And they say it's the safest 500-P/E stock out there."

"It's the new self-driving model."

'He's not showing off to me as much as he used to...'

Primordial Schmooze

"These kids and their shellfies..."

'These are tough times for wall street tycoons...the best we can do is laugh half-way to the banks.'

New hyper-realistic Star Trek

"My self-driving car is wintering in Florida."

"Okay, what if we go outside - will it still be insider trading then?"

Investing 101 Acronym Test.

'I know exactly how you feel, kid. I remember when I wiped out my first client. Of course, I'd been at the job more than 15 minutes.'

Homing pigeons in therapy.

I'd rather be phishing.

Phobia Clinic: Now treating Dow 15,000 acrophobia.

"D'you have any porn porn?"

Some days Ted's head would get stuck for hours.

'Rap sheets! All the latest criminal stats! Get your rap sheets here!'

Dollars Press Conference

"People mistakenly think that we accountants are all boring number crunchers, but the latest figures show that 54% of the 23% of people who responded to a survey were 45% in favour of us being 12% more interesting than average!"

"I LOVE you more than old people love to pay for everything in exact change."

Ant holds up the word 'TRIUMPH'.

Investments: Remember, tis better to have loved money and lost, than never to have loved money at all.

Four Stages of Communication: Tell, Bell, Cell, Hell.