Training Ground Jokester T-Shirts

"It's OK, this is a teaching hospital. Some people just have to learn that the hard way."

'You've got restless wag syndrome.'

"That's actually my phone. When I answer my calls I get a little bit of a workout."

'Honestly, dear, I'm just giving my pedometer a rest.'

'He said I have no cavities and that my breath knocked his socks off.'

"I hate this time of year."

No caption (A lumberjack runs on a rolling log in a machine built like a treadmill).

"Susan! The Johnson's dog is chasing me while I'm jogging again!"

'If you plan to run a half-marathon you won't want a stopwatch, you'll need a calendar!'

"Oh I don't mind the jogging, but I think you tricked me. When you asked if I wanted to exercise, I thought you said, extra fries!"

Phoning a Busy Sheep: 'Sorry I can't get to the phone right now, please make an animal noise after the bleat!'

"Well, there goes your theory of him thinking of you as his pack leader."

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

'I'm pretty sure this thing wasn't a @$#%& health hazard when I was drying my underwear on it!'

Caution: high speed treadmill, hole in wall behind it

Cleaning the Horse

"It's improv night."

'Do you feel the burn?', 'Yes -- in fact, I think my pancreas is scorched.'

'Has anyone seen my contact?'

"Cruz! Are you eyeballin’ me? Eyes shut during savasana! You hear me? Lance, get up and give me 10 headstand pushups to help Cruz here shut her eyes."

Gym. Trainer. What's with this "burning calories"? Why can't we just lightly toast them?

Riding instructor waits to fish a child out of jumping obstacle.

'No, I haven't taken up jogging...A velociprator was after me!'

'I ran the mile in two minutes. I took a short cut.'

Gym. He claims he does that routine for an hour before starting his cardio workout. Do you believe him? It's a bit of a stretch!

'Work the ring! Use the Jab! Watch out for the left hook! And turn off your iPod.'

"My Doctor said I needed more exercise so I jogged down to the donut shop."

Airport Security. I had to go through the security pat-down three times --- They had trouble believing this is just my body and I'm not hiding anything.

Just Do It. Just Did It.

Speed enforced by really slow walkers.

'Donuts make me STRONG!'

'I'm very active. I'm always jumping to conclusions, stretching the truth, skipping lunch, and jogging my memory. With all that jumping, stretching, skipping and jogging, I still can't lose weight.'

'He took all of the fat off his mid-section and all the fat off his rear but look where it went!'

Doctor Jekyll. Whenever I get stuck formulating my potion, I go jogging. You can run, but you can't Hyde!

'What makes you so sure this is good for my health?'