Jokester-in-training T-Shirts

"I know it's only a knock-knock joke, but you wouldn't say it unless there was some truth in it."

Kid, you can't go taking credit cards and identities. It's stealing. Just the same as if you stole something from a store. Yes sir. I want to be a good person. I won't do it anymore. And no freezing my assets. You're no fun at all.

Kid at bus stop to kid: 'Needless to say, I cured my Mom of her home-schooling kick.'

Randall couldn't wait to see what else the 'Magic Trash Can' could make disappear.

Teacher pointing to P,Q, on board: "OK class, which letter comes next? Redbeard, you should know this."

"So...what are you doing after you graduate?"

'I have much less stress since I replaced my in box with a paper shredder.'

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

"It's World Cup Soccer, Tia Carmen. The U.S. vs England."

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

'Honestly, dear, I'm just giving my pedometer a rest.'

"I hate this time of year."

"If I can't use a calculator, may I use my Dad's old slide-rule?"

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'

'One hundred and forty? You don't look a day over one hundred and thirty nine!'

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

'Every pacemaker recipient is required to carry jumper cables...'

"Susan! The Johnson's dog is chasing me while I'm jogging again!"

"Nobody at school will laugh at me."

"You never giggle and read cartoon captions to me anymore."

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

Poisson d'Avril!

'If you plan to run a half-marathon you won't want a stopwatch, you'll need a calendar!'

'What, not even a kiss first?'

"Apparently, I'm fun, but I'm no fun in bed."

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

'Todd don't be such a clown...'

"Oh I don't mind the jogging, but I think you tricked me. When you asked if I wanted to exercise, I thought you said, extra fries!"

Dorothy gets a visit from her funny Valentine.

Cleaning the Horse

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

Practical joke, violent offender rehab center: 'Relate to me!'